I’ve been in the midst of copy edits for my book manuscript, so thought this week would be a great time to share some edited sentences and sentences from my recent walks. Kind of like I did in this blog post back in April.
The editing process is pretty thorough. Many sentences have been changed, with the editor asking “does this maintain your meaning?” Apparently I have a penchant for long sentences (50 words!) and lots of adverbs. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Is it?
Some examples of how things have been edited:
MINE: It was the autumn of 1997 and, along with twelve of my classmates, I unfolded myself from our travel van and stretched my legs.
EDITED: On a beautiful day in autumn 1997, twelve of my classmates and I unfolded ourselves from our travel van and stretched our legs.
The changes are subtle, but they make a difference. The sentence doesn’t start with ‘it’ anymore (something the editor wanted to avoid), and it’s a bit tighter with the “twelve of my classmates and I” rather than “along with twelve of my classmates.”
MINE: Back on Parker Ridge, Dan pointed out the prominent Hilda Peak to the west that hosts a small glacier, Hilda Glacier, tucked up against the valley wall behind the Hilda Creek Hostel. It is so small that it was hard to see from Parker Ridge, and could almost be mistaken for an avalanche chute.
EDITED: Back on Parker Ridge, Dan pointed out the prominent Hilda Peak to the west that hosts a small glacier, appropriately named Hilda Glacier. This glacier is tucked up against the valley wall behind the Hilda Creek hostel, and is so small that it was hard to see from where we were; it could almost be mistaken for an avalanche chute.
This revision shortens the first sentence to make it more snappy. It also ties in the avalanche chute comment with a semicolon, linking it to the rest of the sentence before it.
MINE: I also enrolled in the geography department’s co-op job program, which sends students out on job placements for four to eight months at a time, in between semesters of coursework at the university.
EDITED: I also enrolled in the geography department’s co-op program, which sends students out on job placements for four to eight months at a time, between semesters of coursework.
Here the editor changed just a few words and the sentence immediately popped relative to the original. All due to the removal of repetition (co-op program vs. co-op job program; semesters of coursework vs. coursework at the university).
There are many more examples (I’ve gone through the edits from the Prologue to Chapter 2 and am waiting on the next three chapters), but this gives you a glimpse into how a copy editor works. She also asks questions about continuity (“you refer to snowmelt and snow melt, I’ve closed it up for all instances”) and clarity (“here you say you were in the field for 10 days, and here you say a week. Which is correct?” (well we drove for three days and were in the mountains for 7 days so that’s 10 days, but we only did field activities for 7 days. Fixed!)) It can be onerous to go through her questions and suggestions, but it’s all in the service of a tighter, more readable manuscript that will hopefully draw readers in.
Speaking of which, my book is now available for pre-order at Bookshop (US), Amazon (CAN), and your local indie bookstore.
And now for some of my own sentences from the past few weeks—one sentence at a time.
16 July: Turns out I can’t walk fast and think at the same time, as I’m too busy using my brain power to scan the ground for potential obstacles.
17 July: I startled a bird taking a dirt bath on the trail, and it flew off in a mini-cloud of dust.
21 July: It finally happened: I wasn’t able to go hiking because of my illness, the extra medication I had to take to tamp down a high, and the resulting feeling of being off-kilter and moving through molasses.
28 July: It’s been nine days since I last went hiking, and my body and brain are starting to feel it, a hole in my soul that’s never quite filled by the things I do to avoid the fact that I can’t go, not yet, not until my meds have settled down. (Yes I hit 50 words with that one.)
30 July: I return to a forest that looks primeval and deep, ferns and salal smothering downed trees covered in brilliant green moss.
That’s all for this week, see you next week for a photo essay—share your photo essay ideas in the comments!
