To Friendship

When University of Alberta Press told me that my book would be published on June 17^th, I immediately started thinking of what I could do for the launch. I don’t know many people here in the Cowichan Valley, and I don’t have an “in” with anyone for a physical launch space. Dave said it would be great if my friends from my #scienceCNF Slack group could come out, and that I should ask them if they’d be interested. I was sure no one would be able to come, but since it sounded like a good idea I floated it past my group.

Kim was the first to reply, “Yes, yes, yes, and yes!” she wrote. The others quickly followed suit, though one group member, Kim Rogers, was going to Scotland so couldn’t come. I booked two cabins at a remote, off-grid location—one for Dave and me and one for the ladies, and I started planning.

My friends were coming from Montana, Ontario, and Arizona; with that level of dedication, we had to celebrate in style. I planned meals and snacks for six people, and special treats to celebrate their company. I got wine and gin and tonic (one of my friends’ favourites), charcuterie fixings, and pasta. I went to the local coffee shop slash chocolatier and picked out a dozen perfect little chocolates in a small box. I got the toppings for homemade pizza, and Dave made enough waffles to feed everyone twice. On our way to the cabin, we stopped in Invermere for some last-minute things, including a bouquet of flowers and a black forest cake.

On the day they were to arrive, Dave and I stocked their fridge and set out the flowers and chocolates on their dining room table. The 4pm check-in time came and went, and they still hadn’t shown up. Then at 4.45pm we saw four women walking up the meadow around which the cabins are built, from the day use area at the bottom. I knew immediately it was them. I walked down to meet them and I knew who each person was without even asking. The weird thing is that we’ve been friends on Slack for ten years, but had never met in person. We shared hugs and names, glad to be in each others’ company. They had taken a scenic drive from Calgary, stopping at viewpoints along the way and having a Lebanese lunch. They even saw a moose (!).

The ladies got settled in their cabin and I went over to hang out with them. We sat on the porch and started talking and it was like we would never stop. Everyone had something interesting to say and we supported each other with hard life decisions wholeheartedly. At a certain point, I started making pasta for dinner and Nia came to help. We talked about how much pasta to cook and whether or not we needed all three jars of sauce. It was easy to slip into this kind of mundane conversation. Everyone else was chatting in the living room, enjoying the mountain views from the cabin and telling stories from their own lives.

Each woman there had their own problems: first time away from the kids, divorce, severe anxiety. But they put aside these problems and came anyway. From far flung places to this remote cabin in the woods. With no wi-fi or cell service.

It wasn’t awkward or difficult at all—we slipped into an easy space with each other: reading, talking, walking, cooking. It was amazing to be with all these strong, accomplished women and know they’re my friends. See here for more about them.

We walked down to the river to enjoy the views, carrying bear spray just in case. We spread out our books on the living room table so anyone could “graze” on them; Kim finished Mel’s copy of Cassidy Randall’s THIRTY BELOW. We edited each others’ writing: Erin had some chapter summaries for us to look at, and Nia had a rough first draft of an essay that she wanted some feedback on. But mostly we talked and laughed—out on the porch or in the living room. We had so many stories to share and wanted to get to know each other better, more than we did online, though that was a pretty good start. I don’t think I’ve laughed that much in years.

There was no small talk or “nice” talk, it was all about topics like relationships, therapy, the writing community and writing as a profession, books we’d read and loved (or not). I didn’t manage to get in my usual afternoon naps so was completely overstimulated and exhausted, but that didn’t matter as much as soaking up the joy of having my friends there in person.

On launch day I gave each woman a signed copy of my book, as I wanted them to have something to remember our time together. I also asked them all to sign my copy, so I could have the same reminder. We had champagne and charcuterie and black forest cake to celebrate—it couldn’t have been any better. I even got a beautiful fountain pen from Erin with a jar of ink to replenish it—can’t wait to use it.

By the time they left we had forged even stronger bonds of friendship than we had on Slack. We felt we really knew each other. And we knew we had to do it again.

Mel shared a beautiful poem that summed up our visit:

Friendship

Oh the comfort, the inexplicable comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words – but pouring them
All right out – just as they are –
Chaff and grain together –
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them –
Keep what is worth keeping –
And with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.

by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik (1826-1887)

Here’s to friends and good company.